Scott's short collection

Here are the notes for a small collection of short stories I've been working on. Please read these before the manuscript:

Disintegration
-I've submitted this to some journals and received rejections from about half so far. No one else has read it, so I'm interested in hearing any feedback for its improvement.

Eulogy for a Father, Not Mine

-This is new. No special notes for this.
Let’s Keep Dancing
-This is intentionally derivative of Thomas Mann's story Disillusionment and Peggy Lee's song "Is That All There Is?" It would help me a lot if you would read the story (http://www.srs-pr.com/literature/mann-disillusionment.pdf) and listen to the song (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VscVP_Gt_s) either before or after reading this piece. I'm most interested in "influence" and how much I can get away with in regards to allusion, derivation, and homage. Am I borrowing too much? Aside from that, I'd like it to be treated as any story might workshop-wise.
Joan in Agony in Grace

-I think this might require a warning. This is meant to be a horror story so it's extremely violent and intended to make the reader somewhat uncomfortable. If you're sensitive to violence (or this subject matter) and would like to abstain from reading it, I completely understand. Otherwise, I'm interested in the reader's experience and whether it should be toned down. If so, how? Aside from that, I'd like it to be treated as any story might workshop-wise.
A Ghost Story in Three Acts

-No special notes for this.
Before We Begin

-I workshopped this in Deborah Eisenberg's class in autumn 2011 and have made a few changes since (not enough, in my opinion). I've been feeling like revisiting it, so I'd love to hear your comments.

Line edits would be helpful, but don't feel obligated if that's not your thing.

Thanks.

Yardenne's Author's Notes for The Book of David - Draft 3

Hey Friends,

This is the 3rd draft of my novel. I call it a 3rd draft, but really, some sections were written and rewritten many times and some were just written this week. What I would most want, if it's realistic, is for you to read it and write down your notes and only then look at the few questions I'm posting here. The reason I'd like this is that I'd like you to first give me your immediate impressions of this, without my questions directing your reading. Of course, if this isn't convenient, I'll understand completely. 

So here are things I'd like to know:

1. How do you feel about the order of information? Do you think more/less chronological order would create more drama/suspense?

2. What do you think of the mention of years at the beginning of segments? Does it help ground you in time or is does it break the flow of the story?

3. How do you feel about the characters? Do the people in David's family seem well-rounded to you? Do you want to get a fuller picture of them?

Thanks for reading! Waiting to hear your thoughts!

Yardenne

Tom's Author Notes for Ruth Ditch Prologue - Ch. 3

Study questions for your holiday reading:

• How do you feel about the Prologue? Would you prefer that the novel started with Chapter 1?
• Before Ruth is introduced in Chapter 1, does the opening of the chapter feel message oriented, ironic, a mixture, too soon to say? Would you prefer that the novel started with Ruth’s introduction in Chapter 1, i.e. no prologue and no opening Chapter 1 sequence at the memorial?
• Do you think there is too much dialogue driving the action, especially in the first two chapters?
• Does it feel plodding at any point? Does it take too long for the “story” to start? Would you like to see indicators of where the story is heading sooner
• Any glaring POV issues?
• There is violence in this story, no getting around that. But I recognize that some people are put off by it regardless of context. If it’s possible to put aside any reader bias, does the physical violence ever seem gratuitous or not serving anything larger in the story?
• If more flashbacks to Ruth’s early life are used intermittently to shed light on the present, would that bother you?
• Anything else on your minds is welcome. 

Thanks for reading.

Madeline's Author Comments on Saint Sebastian

So I think you guys can mostly intuit what I'm looking for in terms of feedback.  I'm looking to start sending this out soonish and want to know how it reads as a whole, whether the beginning (which I have heavily edited) flows smoothly and whether the ending fits and feels complete (or not).  I've also received the comment that the writing isn't direct/lewd enough for fourteen year old boys.  I'm not sure what to do about this since lewd wasn't at all what I was going for in terms of tone, but I'm interested to hear your opinions.

I would love line edits (which I understand is easier for those people with actual copies than it is for those without), but if you're not feeling it I understand.

Thanks! xoxo

Scott Dievendorf's Author Comments

For the first 70 pages of Time As Weather (working title).

Feel free to treat it as you please. 

Since this is such a new project, I don't necessarily have a complete handle on it. I don't have it totally planned (though the ending is written and many major points are accounted for in notes). 

My main concern is if it's working, interesting, worth continuing, or even plausible (as a novel, not the premise). 

Don't worry about line edits, since this is a nascent stage of the book.

I would like feedback on sections—chapter by chapter—as well as the whole, particularly what's not working, what's plain foolish, or what's inconsistent. Basic workshop stuff.

Kevin Magruder's Author Comments

For The Indefinition of Acton Ramirez, Kevin says:

I guess I would appreciate line edits/margin comments but I also wouldn't want people to get too bogged down with them.

What is of most concern to me are the following:

1) Pacing and transitions, especially throughout the middle chapters (3-6).

2) Ideas and themes - how are they working, or not? Am I laying it on

too thick in places? Any recurring ideas/themes just completely

unclear/frustrating?

3) The overall consistency of tone (or lack thereof) throughout - both

chapter to chapter and especially with regard to the final chapter.

Does the last chapter resonate tonally with the rest of the novel? Is

it functioning as a final chapter?

4) Transitions again, especially between paragraphs and chapters.

5) Descriptions of actions vs. descriptions of setting - is more or

less needed in either category?

6) Interiority/intimacy of the narrator in some places vs. what might

be described as a detached tone in others. Is this noticeable? Is it a

problem?

7) General weaknesses - major or minor

8) Any other concerns